Don’t do it in Tijuana, or anywhere else in Mexico for that matter. If you do, you’ll end up either in jail or paying lots of mula to keep you out of it. Here in L.A. it’s a different story. Although it’s also illegal to pop-squats in public, more often than not the act goes overlooked. But we don’t all have the right to call ourselves professional pop a squatters. Nor can we claim to have mastered the in-and-outie (meaning you do it so quick no one even sees you). Nope, most of us are “splatters” or “drippers”, meaning we either splatter all over the pavement, bucket, wall, etc., or we drip all over our legs and pants. But not to worry, this quick and handy lesson on what to do when nature calls will surely come in handy when you’re heading home from a rock show- whether you’re in L.A. or not.
Balance
The key to doing this right is balance. You’ll be able to squat more comfortably if you drop your pants as low as possible. However, if you’re wearing jeans, this might complicate things since you’ll only be able to part your feet so far. Here’s a tip, put your back to wall and squat down as low and close to the ground as possible. Keep your balance by placing your hands on your knees, keep your back straight against the wall and your feet flat on the floor and as far apart as possible. This will keep you balanced and will prevent you from slipping into your own trail.
Timing
On the other hand, releasing your urges in episodes will prevent you from splattering and will also give you more control as to how fast the flow will be released (more on this below). If you try releasing your bladder in 5-second episodes, meaning that you release your urges for a period of five seconds, hold it for 3 seconds, release for another 5 and repeat this pattern until your needs are subsided, then that too will prevent splattering. Also, if you see that the trail begins to make its way towards your feet (which will more than likely happen), the 5-second interval will give you enough control to re-locate yourself to a drier spot.
Flow
Allow the first flow to be released at medium speed. Although you will feel the urge to relieve yourself all at once, doing so will only complicate things. Maintain a steady flow and as soon as you manage a combination of balance and timing, increase the flow speed by 25% until you are completely relieved.
Popping squats isn’t the most lady-like thing to do, but it’s understood that after a couple of drinks and when you’re being encouraged by your equally inebriated friends, popping a squat might seem like the only alternative. If you’re far from a conventional restroom and by using these techniques you’ve managed to come out of a squat session completely dry, then I my friends have done my job. But do however, be aware of your surroundings, carry hand sanitizer at all times and most importantly, pop a squat at your own risk.
Click here to read how guys can perfect their skills in public urination!
