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The Ideal Second “Date” |
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Written by Sly Sancho
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Friday, 11 July 2008 |
 Please note that date is listed in quotations. The reason for these quotation marks is simple—the “second date” is merely just a second meeting. So much stress is placed on this because of the desire to impress a potential wife, girlfriend, or f-buddy.
Although, who’s to say that all the effort a person, or even you, places into the second “date” will reap the benefits of the time and energy expended to try and make this event a success? A hundred dollar dinner doesn’t guarantee a guy getting in a girl’s pants or even another date for that matter (this type of date doesn’t go into quotations). Anyone would most likely say yes to a concert if it was their favorite band, but that doesn’t mean that there’s interest in anything other than just seeing the band. The ideal second “date,” in fact, shouldn’t even be a date at all, but should be a second meeting and start with a primary invitation. The Primary Invitation This, of course, can be totally open-ended, but the general idea is simply that you are doing something with friends. Whatever you are doing can just be as simple as going to the beach, a barbecue, or a coffee shop so long as you have plans to do it with a group of your friends and you would like to see if she would like to come. You don’t even have to pick her up, so long as you’re inviting her to a social function and not a movie.
The reasoning behind this is simple—you don’t know if she likes you yet. Sure, you may have drunkenly swapped spit on the dance floor or even gotten her to come back with you to your place and stay for breakfast, but that was one night and things change. She may have woken up the next morning wondering exactly what she’d done. She may not even remember anything more about you than something you said. If you’re lucky, she was already waiting for your phone call, but seeing as how a lot of times, guys don’t call and girls aren’t always looking for relationships anymore, she may have already begun to write you off as nothing more than a fling. What’s more, she might be the type of girl that slowly likes to get into a relationship and the idea of an actual date with someone she barely knows might not sound so enticing.
The primary invitation provides a perfect comfort zone for any girl to enter. It’s doing something or going to a place where she can feel comfortable bringing her friends along so that the two of you meeting seems less awkward. Not to mention, there are plenty of people to keep the conversation going without the awkward pauses that sometimes accompany two people when they are first meeting outside of a hook-up situation and not knowing what else is left to say.
It also provides a chance for you to have an out. In case she can’t make it or in case she doesn’t want to go, you don’t lose any credibility. You were already planning on going, and if it happens to be without her, so be it. Your plans don’t revolve around her acceptance at this point, which can sometimes trigger an attraction switch that makes her wonder why you’re not so concerned with her pending rejection/agreement.
What Should Happen on the Second “Date” Certainly, there are a lot of things that could happen. Some of these can be beneficial while others are detrimental. You could tell a joke that has racial undertones that relate to her own ethnicity. Or you could just sit there not knowing how to jump into a conversation you know nothing about and forever be remembered as the wallflower who asked her to hang out. Sure, she’ll think you’re a nice guy, but nice guys can be shy guys, and shy guys generally don’t get the girl at the end of the day
Instead, there are two things you should be focused on as a way to ensure a successful second meeting. The first is to introduce her to your friends. When doing this, make sure that the friends you bring are the ones you want representing you since it’s very likely that she may assume that your friends represent your character. Obviously, from there you should try and make sure she’s included in whatever activity or conversation your friends may be having.
Secondly, you should try and get a separation after she’s been hanging out with your friends. Not from her, but from her friends and your friends. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you should take her to another spot location entirely (which would be preferable), but even just a conversation that only you and she share would work. This creates the opportunity for you to “connect” with her so she lowers her guard and becomes more comfortable around you. Make some jokes. Flirt playfully with some light and inoffensive touching.
In either case, you want to make sure she’s having a good time and that you are able to subtly hinting at your intentions. To do this you need to allow her to relax her inhibitions. Two factors to accomplishing this are not coming off as over-anxious and showing her a good time without pressuring her. Eventually, when this is accomplished during the “date”, you should be able to set up another time and place to meet. |
Sly Sancho |
| Acerca del Autor: |
| From novels to scripts, poetry to articles, he likes to satirize society, participate in all things debaucherous, and refer to himself in the third person. Based upon his experience meeting different women, the self-proclaimed philanderer writes articles to help guys learn techniques to help avoid rejection as well as the occasional farce. | |
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